I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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