they need to just BURY HIM!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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