i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
