Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
