I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
