i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
