Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
