I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
