I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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