I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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