Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
