What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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