Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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