There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's shark week go big or go home
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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