I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
