it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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