Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
