im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
