I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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