So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
