He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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