bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
