is wine microwaveable?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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