i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
