I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
