So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
