well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
