I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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