walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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