I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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