all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
