I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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