Who did Billy Mays play for?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
