I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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