You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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