So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
