im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
