why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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