I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
