I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
