I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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