Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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