my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
