i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
