I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This girl is more easily done than said...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
