If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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