Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
