but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
