Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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