It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
