I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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