My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
