I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
