He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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