So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
