sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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