Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
