what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
