Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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