So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
