So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize