I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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