Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
