I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
