so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
