I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize