Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
