I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
