I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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