I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
