she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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