Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
